Do you believe God believes in you? January 16, 2008

Do you believe God believes in you?

2007 rang “This is your life. Are you who you want to be?” in my ears everyday, but a few more words that anchored me are “Make peace with God and make peace with yourself.” So this year I’m making peace with the caos. For those who don’t know or understand my last 12 months, here’s the breakdown of some strange and unusual circumstances. I had to deal with some stuff over my mom, I found a breast lump and have no insurance and had to have a biopsy (which luckily turned out great and fine) and the struggle between Brian and I was worse over the holidays. So as the year was quickly approaching the end, everything I felt that I had worked so hard for, all those late nights for, and sacrificed my time with my kids for was all for nothing now.
However, a tiny bit of hope lay on my pillow as I cried to myself late Monday night. I felt these words in my heart: let it all go.

Now only 3 times in my life have I ever truely known God has spoken to me in words. Once when I was on my knees as a teenager and wanted to end my life: I cried, screamed, and begged for comfort and before I even had the chance to do it, I felt this blanket on me. There was no one else there, but I knew God was. The 2nd time I knew it was God talking to me was 7 years ago when I went to church with my new husband (at the time), and I felt like I was being pushed out of the pew (awkwardly looking around to see who it was) and I heard him say ‘Come.’ The 3rd time I knew God was speaking to me was as I was trying to sleep in my bed Monday night thinking about Pastor Randy’s sermon on Sunday morning. One thing that just stuck out in my mind was Peter did’nt believe in himself enough to walk on the water, he cried out to Jesus to save him instead of walking with him. So as I can see all the waves crashing at my feet and the storms are heavy and the rain is falling hard. I heard God say to me “Let go!”
I’m letting go.
I’m letting go.
I never make new years resolutions because I can’t keep them and because I generally think it’s for people who think starting over is a challenge that doesn’t necessarily have to be accomplished depending on their daily mood. But I have to let go of the resentment, the hate, the fear, the finances and the pure fact that this is not my battle anymore. God is in control and I have LET GO!
So I made peace with my heart.
I made peace with my body.
I made peace with my marriage, my husband, and my anger against him.
I made peace with the past.
I made peace with God.
I let go.
As I put all this into context and think about the last year, I can’t beleive I’m right here, where I sit, I still have a roof over my head, I still have 2 beautiful girls, and though it’s not perfect, there is still someone to come home to. So many have nothing, nothing at all, I don’t want it all, I just want what I have. This was the most exhilerating experience of my life. I feel like I could run a marathon (though I probably won’t, that’s pushing it). We need some help still in our marriage, and I know prayers are always asked for, but I never have taken the time to thank those who have taken the time to put in an extra line in their daily devotions for me. So thank you, dearly, thank you.
As far as work goes, I know I can’t do it all. I’m taking it all in stride, and comes what may. The best yet is since Tuesday I have booked 3 Weddings for this year!!! July 12th, 20th and September 13th are all on the books, it’s super exciting. I know God had his hand in that, as well as all my life, isn’t it wonderful!!

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Christmas pics January 16, 2008

Christmas and really the whole month of December was chaotic! Literally!!  But we had a pretty good holiday. I got a van, the girls got a drum set, and Brian’s wardrobe was overhauled with new Bear’s stuff. Hope your holidays were awesome! -E

Something Profound to Ponder… November 1, 2007

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary. 

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don’t feel threatened. I don’t feel discriminated against. That’s what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn’t bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I don’t think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn’t bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it’s just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don’t like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don’t think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can’t find it in the Constitution and I don’t like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren’t allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that’s a sign that I’m getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it’s not funny, it’s intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham’s daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we’ve been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”

In light of recent events…terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock’s son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he’s talking about. And we said OK.

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with “WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.”

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send ‘jokes’ through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you’re not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

What mischief can i get into? October 10, 2007

Fall Blues… October 10, 2007

I hate this time of year. Literally. Fall and winter give me the blues because everything dies and everything beautiful goes away and leaves me with a cold and empty world to look at. There are no leaves after the they’ve fallen off the trees and the ground is dirty brown. It’s too cold to be outside. Everything around town gets littered up with holiday lights and sale signs, and well, neither one looks pretty. I always slept in on Christmas, even though I knew presents were involved. Thanksgiving is just a house full of people competing over pie and relishing in their accomplishments. No one ever told me I did anything good. I remember spending some holidays with people I didn’t even know because my parents wanted to go to their friends. Literally, I hate this time of the year. I know I won’t accomplish much, and I know that the things I’ve worked so hard to create are going to slip by the wayside. It was cold this morni ng when I left for work, I cried all the way there.

My Family October 9, 2007

This week has been a difficult one for a friend of mine in a mothers group that I attend. Just sitting and thinking and praying for her and her family has brought me to my knees in my own personal struggles with loved ones. I will never truely know her pain, but I can bring myself to understand why God does the things he does, and why He puts us through these trials.

I look at my little girls and believe there is more to life than a pretty house, a new car to drive, and a yard for my children to play in. I look at my husband and see someone who hasn’t given up and walked away. And I look at the things in my home and think ‘These are just things’ and they would only be things if they were without the memories.

I love my family and I want to share some of the memories that we made this weekend. I sewed the cute little punkin dresses all by myself. Brian and the girls decorated the porch with chalk artwork. We loved turning up the radio and banging on instruments right before bed. And one more, which may be the most special: We tucked in the girls to bed, together.

Best Prayer I Have Heard In a long time… September 27, 2007

I got this from a friend of mine in my e-mail, and usually I don’t send them back out
because they are always something like ‘you have to do this or…’ but I thought this
was some good reminders of everyday life.

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in
traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is
rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few
precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man
who can’t make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student,
balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his
student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the
same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to
addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares .

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through
the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this
moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this
will be the last year that they go shopping together

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us,
the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those
we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but
to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience,
empathy and love.

If you send this to 5 people, then you have a chance to touch 5 people.

Working for God on earth doesn’t pay much……but His retirement plan
is out of this world

Barbie Madness September 26, 2007

I loved Barbie when I was a girl. Now I have 2 little girls who also love Barbie, but Lately, my husband has been dominating the computer and the television at the same time and littering them with football. Not that football is litter, it just ranks right up there with moldy cheese pizza. But because of this obsession he has with football, my girls and I have been spending an awful lot of time with Barbie lately.

We brush Barbie’s hair, she doesn’t complain much, just the occasional ‘o.k. you’re gonna pull my head off, oh! oh!…there it goes’ And there’s the undressing and fleshy fashion show (because my 2 year-old won’t leave clothes on her). Barbie either doesn’t mind the cold draft up her rear when she is sat on the air vent or she just grins and bears it for Hannah’s tender-hearted sake. She’s a trooper!

However, I think Barbie has it out for me, because sometimes When I’m not looking I get smacked in the head for no apparent reason. I look behind me and all I see is my sweet baby girl trying to shove Barbie into a drawer or pile her between books like a sandwich. I don’t know where we went wrong I thought that by putting a rather nice 3 bedroom 2 bath pink roof over her head was enough. I gave her a full kitchen and dining room and livingroom set, I even bought her a fancy canopy bed and a nursery for the little ones she wants to have. Quite frankly though, if she ends up prego, Ken is OUT! She shares a room with 2 princesses who don’t need to know about the birds and the bees yet.

So I don’t know where I went wrong, but I shouldn’t be afraid to be around Barbie. Unfortunatly, when you have been hit in the back of the head or tripped or been hit in the nose enough it brings a tear and the occasional drop of blood, you tend to turn the tables on your friend Barbie. I happened to notice that a pile of Barbie’s on the floor kinda looks like a massacre. I think I had it out for Barbie tonight. I really wanted her to dissappear!!!! However bedtime came without a hitch and so for tonight she’s off the hook. But tomorrow…

Smelly fart faces September 20, 2007

Check out the girls on each end. Who dunnit? Never can get a pic with everyone smiling. But I love these kind of pictures, it makes my heart smile.

Life changing events…. September 20, 2007

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for a few weeks. Maybe it’s the weather…I hate fall…dread sinks in….  These events have changed my spirit….once bright….once lighter…once favored.

• This is your life…Are you who you want to be? -song I hear on the radio when I really don’t need to hear it.
• My oldest daughter sings Jesus loves all the little children…Green and purple, black and white…..
• Toby Keith and Joe Perry doing Mystery Train on Elvis Tribute show.
• Working to pay the cable bill
• Keeping my youngest young….but pottytrained.
• Spooky shadow person on Ghost Hunters -Lighthouse Edition…What’s next?
• Working 80 bazillion hours a week and getting nowhere…hate this somewhere
• Wanting
• Britney Spears has gone off the deep end!!!
• Wanting
• No best friends, just friends, and I’m really good at alienateing them….friends….people who leave a cheerful grin, but no goodbye….could’ve been a best friend…did’nt realize it untill there was no one there to…..
• On my way to work at 6:30am, saw a little girl friendless on the daycare playground running her fingernails against the fence…..wanted to stop her because I felt a maternal instinct? …..Just kept driving….she’ll learn that metal and brick hurt like HEdoublehockysticks under the fingernails.
• Wanting
• Fear of Satisfaction
• I was beautiful once…modeled a bit…what’s the point in putting on makeup now? The only remarks taken away each day are “G#% D*%# it why don’t you do anything right?”
• And finally last but not at all what hurts the least, Seeing my ex looking and doing very well….My physicality was last seen as a pathetic nobody in his eyes….stings…..a cannon couldn’t have done more damage……………………………………………………lifeless.

Strengths and Weaknesses August 17, 2007

At my job we were asked to define our top 3 strengths and weaknesses before we were given a raise. Here is my letter to my Operations Manager who said “I think you’re a really good employee” after reading this and gave me a bit more of a bump in salary than I had expected.

Strengths and Weaknesses

I beleive my strengths are keeping up to date on what is fashionable
for the web because I’m always looking for content to go into what
I’m doing. Example: I see at least a 100 different web sites a day
because I’m looking for the details to go into our descriptions.

Another Strength I think I have is double checking everything.
Whatever data I upload, I check it within minutes and then later
after a project is done I re-check it for mistakes I might have missed.
Example: Editing Details on the VME site.

With strenghts in Gaphic Design, I believe with each new project,
even each logo I make (or header, pretty much anything creative) I stay
excited about it. I literally can’t wait to dive into it. I know what
looks good and is pleasing to the eyes, I make sure every spec is right
before and after it’s been created (Double-checked). Example: If I have
a logo I’m just not sure about what to do with it’s design creation, I
leave it until later and give it some thought for awhile and go onto
the next one (or several), and then come back to it when I’m ready. If
I still don’t have a good idea by the time I need to get it completed,
then I will make thumbnails until a good idea comes together with what
it is to be for.

I don’t have a hard time admitting when I’m wrong, but I view this as
a weakness because then I get discouraged in what I’m doing.

I like the designs I come up with so when I’m asked to change it
because it’s not something that (say you) want, I get dissapointed
in myself.

Finally another weakness I know I have, is I feel like I spend too
much time on one project (or each specific design) that I need to
keep balanced with other important parts of each task.

I hope you can tell that I enjoy my work. If I were’nt passionate
about what I’m doing, you wouldn’t be, either. I don’t dissapoint in
my work because I stay organized with preparation and timing. I know by
now what is expected of me and my duties are done with accuracy.

Evonna Gaba

Picking Flowers at Papa’s House July 18, 2007

We love to pick flowers, we’re girls! So whenever we get the chance to be in a garden I’m there to capture every minute of it on camera.

Hi Mommy! July 18, 2007

Everyday I call home on my lunch hour and talk to my girls. Zoey always tells me what she’s eating and I always tell her to take a good nap and I’ll be home when she wakes up. Then the phone is handed over over to my littlest princess who gets on the phone to say only one thing over and over…Hi Mommy! But everyday, it melts my heart and I look forward to hearing those little voices.

Camping Indoors July 18, 2007

Last week we decided to put up the tent in our livingroom because we don’t have a yard. We cleared the toys away, and pushed the furniture to the far edges of the room. My husband blew up the queen size air mattress BY MOUTH in a matter of MINUTES! He must have some super human lungs or something. Then the girls came downstairs to see their surprise. It was so much fun to play in it all evening long. But, by bedtime there was no way these girls would go to sleep! Sooooooo we decided to play camp out. We roasted marshmallows and hotdogs over a campfire (our Gas stove-top), and laid in the tent with the fire glow (the light above the stove streaming in from the kitchen) as the only light, and counted stars (smoke alarm light) and shooting stars (car headlights glimmering through the curains in the dark). This was a great way to spend quality time as a family and we didn’t have to leave the air-conditioning.

Pretty Little Fairys July 11, 2007

I love to put fairy wings on the girls, they are like little fairies how they flutter about the house. In the first pic I partially created the wings and I made fairy dust that looks like it is being blown from her wand, and the fairy dust dances on the flowers just as it looks like she is doing. In the second pic I put mesh wings on and softend the background and her diaper. I actually used this pic for awhile on my business cards because she’s pointing up with her little pointer finger, so I creatively put my info just above it. I digitally enanced the third pic with fairy wings and found this great pic of mountains and flowers to put behind her as a backdrop. I love them all.

Beauty Girls July 11, 2007

I love this picture of my daughter with her little cousin. They are at that age where they enjoy dressing up and painting their nails. This really captured the moment.

Favorite Ramen Noodle Recipes July 4, 2007

RAMEN EGG DROP SOUP
In a saucepan, cook the Ramen Oriental crumbled up in water. Add the flavor pkt., and 1 sliced green onion. Then when boiling add 1 beaten egg, stirring quickly to break it up. Noodles will be done in 3 minutes. Serve.

RAMEN SKILLET
In a skillet scramble 4 eggs in butter. In a saucepan cook 2 pkg. Ramen Noodles in water for 5 minutes then drain.
Add the cooked Ramen to the cooked eggs, along with the flavor packets. Stir in 1 cup frozen English Peas, and 1 can cooked chicken. Heat and serve.
You could stir in different meats or add seafood, as well as other vegetables and change flavors of Ramen to make a variety of this recipe.

Mom’s Car June 29, 2007

I have learned over the last few years to keep several things in my car for the kids, the husband, and the just in case! Here’s my top 10 to keep in the car at all times:

1. Kleenex in the glove box
2. My Bible in the seat next to me
3. Cupholders! Cupholders! and did I mention Cupholders?!
4. Wal-mart bags for trash, dirty clothes…dirty diapers
5. First aid kit (we added Dora band-aids for the kids)
6. Tampons - just in case!
7. Clean sippy’s and bibs - because I always forget them in the diaper bag
8. 2 baby dolls - because someone will undoubtedly want a different doll!
9. Sunglasses for EVERYONE! - take advantage of the dollar store on this one, we go through a couple pairs a week!
10. Tennis shoes for the kids, you never know what they’re gona step in.

It sounds like a cluttered mess to have so much stuff in the car, but if you have pockets on your seats it all fits nicely into them because kids things are small. So far. Have anything to add to the list? Let me know!

This was my first love - Taking pictures June 29, 2007

I already have 22 complete photo albums of my kids and they aren’t even in pre-school yet!

Working Moms/ Stay-At-Home Dads June 28, 2007

Here’s a huge topic open for discussion. At my house I try to leave every morning before my girls wake up because 1. they will throw a huge fit when I walk out the door. 2. because of that it makes my husbands head spin, I can almost see it about to pop right off his neck! Therefore because it frustrates him to have crying, screaming girls for a little while, I don’t get to see my girls before I head out to work. The reason I’m working and husband is home is for so many reasons. Many of which force me to not share with the rest of the living world. But I can tell you this, the transformation from being a full-time mommy to working outside my home full-time has sent my kids into an uproar. My oldest was mad one morning that I had to leave (before I stopped having breakfast with them) that she went right up to her daddy and told him to “Just go to work!” So what is your situation? Do you like it or loathe it?